Get Your Glow Back – Episode 39 – With Zoe Blaskey
On today’s podcast is the incredible Zoe Blaskey, founder of the motherkind podcast and a woman on a mission to help mothers be kind to themselves and realise they are enough. I absolutely loved chatting to Zoe and I enjoyed listening to this episode as much as I loved recording it.
How did it all begin:
Interest in healing and self development
While pregnant did a pregnancy kundalini yoga teacher training changed view of motherhood and how she wanted to enter motherhood
Found the conversation around motherhood 4 years ago the conversation was mostly around starting a business and what to buy but didn’t acknowledge that motherhood can bring up a lot of old habits like perfectionism, people pleasing.
Not bubble baths and spa days that take time and money more about self connection
5 minute self care tools to use everyday
45 second check in: hand on heart, connecting with the breath, noticing the breath, slowly elongate the breath to be longer and deeper, lengthen the exhale, ask yourself what do I need
Boundaries – learning to say no, how to use boundaries
Gut health – eating the right food for our mood, 90% serotonin made in the gut
Our needs are so unique so what works for one person won’t necessarily benefit you
When you feel pissed off with someone it’s usually because you need to set a boundary
Where you feel like a victim, its your responsibility to set a boundary
Perfectionism in motherhood – it’s about not feeling good enough regardless of what you achieve
Seeking validation outside of ourselves because we don’t feel good enough
burnout , exhaustion, guilt and shame occur because you are always striving for more
Social media can take us out of ourselves, if you notice you are mindlessly scrolling that’s a good time to do a check in, why are you trying to distract yourself?
Set boundaries that work for you
If you are feeling insecure try and not scroll on instagram – create before you consume
Be mindful about who you follow
Don’t compare how you feel to how someone looks, you have no idea what is actually going on with someone from how it seems outside
Before social media we could only compare ourselves to people we knew whereas know we can see what the whole world is doing and what they want to show
Of 1000 mums surveyed, compared to pre-motherhood they are spending on average 3 hours 26 minutes longer online everyday.
How can we heal our perfectionism
- Awareness – we can’t change what we aren’t aware of, establish whether this is a problem for you
- Self compassion and kindness around that awareness – where did this come from? What was modelled to me that has made me behave this way?
- Changing behaviour – what areas in your life does this perfectionism come up and changing that dialogue with yourself, practicing not listening to your inner critic as the truth, what would you say to a good friend? Practicing new behaviours, practicing boundaries and saying no – keep it simple to keep it up, no more than ten minutes a day.
Zoe’s non negotiables:
5 minutes of meditation
Journalling for 5 minutes a day- get thoughts out onto paper to get perspective, what am I avoiding, what do I need
Gratitude list – 20 things everyday that you are grateful for
The fear comes from how much we love our children, partners or friends
The key is not hooking into fearful thoughts – you can’t stop the thoughts but don’t let them spiral out of control and have compassion for ourselves – this is because of how much I love them
How can we support other parents
Just asking your friend how they are doing and just holding space for them
Instead of telling them: have you tried this, this worked for me but actually just listening and holding space for someone is often the most important thing
Asking what do you need/how do you feel
The same applies for children
When we don’t allow our children to experience there emotion it takes them out of touch with their intuition and ability to set boundaries
Definition of guilt is when we do something that doesn’t align with who we are
Guilt can be useful to amend our behaviour
Shame is – I am not enough, I am bad, Guilt is – I did something bad
If you are aware of what is important to you, you won’t experience mum guilt
If you are constantly feeling like a bad mum that is shame not guilt and you may need to reassess your boundaries