Get Your Glow Back – Episode 39 – With Zoe Blaskey

Get Your Glow Back – Episode 39 – With Zoe Blaskey

On today’s podcast is the incredible Zoe Blaskey, founder of the motherkind podcast and a woman on a mission to help mothers be kind to themselves and realise they are enough. I absolutely loved chatting to Zoe and I enjoyed listening to this episode as much as I loved recording it.

How did it all begin:

Interest in healing and self development

While pregnant did a pregnancy kundalini yoga teacher training changed view of motherhood and how she wanted to enter motherhood 

Found the conversation around motherhood 4 years ago the conversation was mostly around starting a business and what to buy but didn’t acknowledge that motherhood can bring up a lot of old habits like perfectionism, people pleasing. 

Self care

Not bubble baths and spa days that take time and money more about self connection 

5 minute self care tools to use everyday

45 second check in: hand on heart, connecting with the breath, noticing the breath, slowly elongate the breath to be longer and deeper, lengthen the exhale, ask yourself what do I need

Boundaries – learning to say no, how to use boundaries 

Gut health – eating the right food for our mood, 90% serotonin made in the gut 

Our needs are so unique so what works for one person won’t necessarily benefit you

Setting boundaries

When you feel pissed off with someone it’s usually because you need to set a boundary

Where you feel like a victim, its your responsibility to set a boundary 

Social Media

Perfectionism in motherhood – it’s about not feeling good enough regardless of what you achieve 

Seeking validation outside of ourselves because we don’t feel good enough 

burnout , exhaustion, guilt and shame occur because you are always striving for more

Social media can take us out of ourselves, if you notice you are mindlessly scrolling that’s a good  time to do a check in, why are you trying to distract yourself?

Set boundaries that work for you 

Comparison 

If you are feeling insecure try and not scroll on instagram – create before you consume

Be mindful about who you follow 

Don’t compare how you feel to how someone looks, you have no idea what is actually going on with someone from how it seems outside 

Before social media we could only compare ourselves to people we knew whereas know we can see what the whole world is doing and what they want to show 

Of 1000 mums surveyed, compared to pre-motherhood they are spending on average 3 hours 26 minutes longer online everyday. 

How can we heal our perfectionism

  1. Awareness – we can’t change what we aren’t aware of, establish whether this is a problem for you
  2. Self compassion and kindness around that awareness – where did this come from? What was modelled to me that has made me behave this way? 
  3. Changing behaviour – what areas in your life does this perfectionism come up and changing that dialogue with yourself, practicing not listening to your inner critic as the truth, what would you say to a good friend? Practicing new behaviours, practicing boundaries and saying no – keep it simple to keep it up, no more than ten minutes a day.

Zoe’s non negotiables: 

5 minutes of meditation 

Journalling for 5 minutes a day- get thoughts out onto paper to get perspective, what am I avoiding, what do I need

Gratitude list – 20 things everyday that you are grateful for 

Reframing fear

The fear comes from how much we love our children, partners or friends 

The key is not hooking into fearful thoughts – you can’t stop the thoughts but don’t let them spiral out of control and have compassion for ourselves – this is because of how much I love them

How can we support other parents 

Just asking your friend how they are doing and just holding space for them

Instead of telling them: have you tried this, this worked for me but actually just listening and holding space for someone is often the most important thing

Asking what do you need/how do you feel 

The same applies for children 

When we don’t allow our children to experience there emotion it takes them out of touch with their intuition and ability to set boundaries

Mum Guilt

Definition of guilt is when we do something that doesn’t align with who we are

Guilt can be useful to amend our behaviour

Shame is – I am not enough, I am bad, Guilt is – I did something bad

If you are aware of what is important to you, you won’t experience mum guilt

If you are constantly feeling like a bad mum that is shame not guilt and you may need to reassess your boundaries

Where to find out more

Motherkind instagram 

Motherkind podcast 

Website

Zoe’s freedom from perfectionism course  

Follow me on Instagram @madeleine_shaw_

Instagram

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